It's Not You, It's Me

I was having a discussion with a friend recently and he mentioned how he hated the pre-break up line "It's not you, it's me." It's distasteful because it is usually interpreted as "it *is* you". But after some pondering, I realize how incorrect this perception is.

I have used that line before and at the time I thought "you're wonderful, but I'm just not attracted to you." What's unattractive about a wonderful human being?? After years of listening to Dr. Drew and going through my own path of growth and maturity, it has come to my attention that there must have been something wrong with *me* that I would relinquish such a wonderful person.

Drew tells his callers on nearly a nightly basis that people who are drawn to chaos (i.e. abuse, etc...) need to retrain their brains in order to attract and become more attractive to someone who is less chaotic. People who are drawn to this chaos usually grew up with it and their behavioral patterns have developed around it. I know this feeling all too well. And it takes and incredible amount of time and effort to not only become aware of how you were thusly shaped, but also to change the patterns and reactions. And when these people come across someone who is stable, sweet, thoughtful, genuine, etc... they run, reject or worse yet provoke this person. And in the end use the line "it's not you, it's me"to add the final jab.

So, this goes out to all of you sweet, adroable, fantastic people who have had this line delivered to you to say that it really is *them* not you!