Friends with Benefits
A friend of mine, mentioned to me that maybe if people focused on their basic human needs then there wouldn't be so many problems in relationships or people's emotional equillibrium. I think she has a very good point, if you're in a committed, loving relationship where it's good to focus on the basics when the monotony of just existing in a relationship becomes cumbersome. But not all of us are in relationships - so this posting is not intended for those in loving, committed relationships (although, feel free to comment!).
I have been cruising the Craigslist postings in an effort (like so many others) to find a mate. I'm grateful that these services exist to increase the chances of people finding their soul mates - if you believe in such a thing. I do. Anyway, there are all types of posting; some honest, some not so much; some desparate, some bitter, some methodical, some hopeful and some just funny. The one kind of posting that has made me a little squimish, though, is the "just looking for a friends with benefits type of relationship" one.
Although, on the surface, this smacks of Age of Aquarius mentality (of free, detached and universal love), I question this "friends with benefits" state of mind. Aquarius being the sign of the love of humanity, there's far too much detachedness that seems to be emphasized during this era. The "friends with benefits" relationship is one way this emphasis manifests itself. "Friends with benefits" is the sharing of something so intimate in a completely unemotional fashion - and the prevelance of these relationships leaves one or both partners feeling empty in the end contributing to the prevailing (in my experience, anyway) feeling of separateness, loneliness and bitterness in this generation. It seems so contrary to the human need for companionship to share intimacy with someone all the while knowing that it is temporary, that it is "meaningless".
"Friends with benefit" has in it implied that one or both partners can walk away uneffected when it's convenient for them, i.e. they're bored, something better came long, etc... This is the *ultimate* in relationship consumerism. Getting all their needs met without the hassle of pesky attachments or commitments.
Don't get me wrong, I know how important it is that we all get our basic, human emotional needs met - those of companionship and sex - but we seem to carry on as if it's ok to use others to fulfill us (temporarily). What's so wrong with just being committed to the person you're with? Why can't we just take the time to have an appreciation for a few instead of trying to conquer so many - or just to give one person some undivided attention? Sometimes less is more.
And instead of being in the constant search for instant sexual gratification, what about funneling our pent up energy into something more useful and constructive or beautiful and creative? Something that might benefit humanity! That's what Aquarius is really about -- having love for the community, acting for the greater good. Is it really that important that we all get to experience as much and as many as possible? What does that give us? Why do our bodies take precendence over our spiritual development?
I have been cruising the Craigslist postings in an effort (like so many others) to find a mate. I'm grateful that these services exist to increase the chances of people finding their soul mates - if you believe in such a thing. I do. Anyway, there are all types of posting; some honest, some not so much; some desparate, some bitter, some methodical, some hopeful and some just funny. The one kind of posting that has made me a little squimish, though, is the "just looking for a friends with benefits type of relationship" one.
Although, on the surface, this smacks of Age of Aquarius mentality (of free, detached and universal love), I question this "friends with benefits" state of mind. Aquarius being the sign of the love of humanity, there's far too much detachedness that seems to be emphasized during this era. The "friends with benefits" relationship is one way this emphasis manifests itself. "Friends with benefits" is the sharing of something so intimate in a completely unemotional fashion - and the prevelance of these relationships leaves one or both partners feeling empty in the end contributing to the prevailing (in my experience, anyway) feeling of separateness, loneliness and bitterness in this generation. It seems so contrary to the human need for companionship to share intimacy with someone all the while knowing that it is temporary, that it is "meaningless".
"Friends with benefit" has in it implied that one or both partners can walk away uneffected when it's convenient for them, i.e. they're bored, something better came long, etc... This is the *ultimate* in relationship consumerism. Getting all their needs met without the hassle of pesky attachments or commitments.
Don't get me wrong, I know how important it is that we all get our basic, human emotional needs met - those of companionship and sex - but we seem to carry on as if it's ok to use others to fulfill us (temporarily). What's so wrong with just being committed to the person you're with? Why can't we just take the time to have an appreciation for a few instead of trying to conquer so many - or just to give one person some undivided attention? Sometimes less is more.
And instead of being in the constant search for instant sexual gratification, what about funneling our pent up energy into something more useful and constructive or beautiful and creative? Something that might benefit humanity! That's what Aquarius is really about -- having love for the community, acting for the greater good. Is it really that important that we all get to experience as much and as many as possible? What does that give us? Why do our bodies take precendence over our spiritual development?
posted by Kizzle @ 3:27 PM
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